Should I stay or should I go now?

My best paying job was not my worst job. That's the result of having a lot of bad jobs, worst of which was cleaner which required getting up very early each morning and dealing with other people's rubbish and high entropic metabolic waste. However, my best paying job is a close second. That was 20 years ago now when I was working as a "consultant".

I was between masters and doctorate, trying to make some money in the interregnum of my studies. It was a few years after I had realised that what I wanted to do with my life was not advance a career within information technology, but rather think about life, the universe and everything - which at the time was what I thought academics did (I now know better).

The economy in the UK at that time was doing OK. The dot-com bubble had burst and people had a more sensible idea of what computing, networking, and telecoms was useful for. In my case it was help build a disaster recovery system for one of the world's largest oil and gas companies. I can't remember what I was paid, only that it was a lot, much more than I had ever taken home and with good prospects much more was available. In the end I managed six months.

The work itself was interesting. Lots of problems to solve, lots of new things to learn. The work environment was terrible. I soon realised I was in the midst of a mental health crisis. Before or since, I’ve never been anywhere that had so many people unable to work because of depression. I don't want to give the impression this was the result of people struggling to deal with the climate consequences of their day job. Rather it was the result of a rigid, stifling, at times suffocating corporate culture. Jobs were defined and inflexible. Creativity was not just frowned upon but rigorously suppressed.

In terms of staff effectiveness, of group functioning, of people getting useful things done then it was also the worst place I have ever worked. I'm not a fan of measuring productivity (the problem is not enough productivity in the world, but what uses productive enterprises are put to), but even I could see it was an extremely unproductive workplace. But here's the thing - it didn't matter. It didn't matter because the company had so much money. Extracting and selling oil and gas back then, as now, is astonishingly profitable. They had so much cash that they could more than afford to have entire office complexes filled with people who were just clocking in on time, attending the necessary meetings, replying to emails that were the result of replying to earlier emails, leaving jackets on the backs of chairs while at lunch to give the impression someone was still at a desk, more emails, more meetings, clocking out and driving back home.

In the absence of anything meaningful to do, the office culture was one of enforcement. Of being on time, of timely replies to emails, of filling out quarterly reports, of men wearing a tie with their business suit. I once tried to suggest to a manager that this dsyfunctional environment was why so many staff were unable to work. They smiled broadly and thanked me for raising this in way that made it abundantly clear that if I mentioned this to anyone else then my time with the company may be shorter than I had been planning.

As it was I only lasted a few more weeks. I could no longer sustain the hypocrisy of wanting to research earth and climate systems, while enabling a corporation do its hardest to wreck both. So I left. I have since set my eyes on much small pay packets and have lived accordingly - and much more happily.

So I turn to you dear reader. Are you having doubts? Are you struggling to align your values to what you do to earn a living? Are the good things about your employer - and not just pay and perks but perhaps wider corporate social responsibility - just not enough to offset the undeniable harm they are producing? Are you getting to the point of realising that there is only so much change you can produce from within? In short, are you asking yourself: should I stay or should I go now?

That is a question only you can answer. But you can get help. Talk to people who know you the best. Be honest - tell them what matters to you, what you want to do with your life. That can help you be honest with yourself.

Money is not just important, it's necessary. A few extra pounds a day can be transformational if you need to decide whether to be hungry or cold. If you have the immense privilege of being able to decide how and where to work, then I would urge you seriously consider what you do with your time. Don’t wait.

4000 weeks. That's about as long as we have (give or take). A working life between ages of 20 and 65 is 2340 weeks. Make them count.